Monday, August 13, 2012

Culturing my friends

So last night I was eating dinner with a friend when I discovered that not everyone has seen every movie ever made, such as myself. Now I don't expect everyone to be such a film fan, but there are some movies that even if you are not likely to enjoy them, you MUST watch. You have to do this because a series of things will happen if you do not watch these movies.

  • People will look at you like you are crazy. 
  • You will fail to be a part of the conversation.
  • You will make everyone who has seen the movie launch into their summary of the film, why it was great, and their favorite quotes.

So I have compiled a list of 5 movies you MUST watch, even if I don't necessarily enjoy each of them myself.

#5 - Pretty Woman (1990)

A man in a legal but hurtful business needs an escort for some social events, and hires a beautiful prostitute he meets... only to fall in love.

Director: Garry Marshall

Writer: J.F. Lawton

Stars: Richard Gere, Julia Roberts and Jason Alexander

This movie is actually the bane of my existence. I hate it. But women love it and if they find out you haven't watched it, it is a matter of time before they make you watch it. Also you will receive an earful about the "big mistake. Big." scene.

#4 The Goonies (1985)

A group of kids embark on a wild adventure after finding a pirate treasure map.

Director: Richard Donner

Writers: Steven Spielberg (story), Chris Columbus(screenplay)

Stars: Sean Astin, Josh Brolin and Jeff Cohen

I love this movie. As do many other people based on its IMDB rating of 7.5 stars. This movie gave us such classic lines as "Hey you guys!" and "Baby Ruth." If you don't get the meaning, it is yet another reason why you must watch this movie. With characters named Chunk and Sloth, you owe it society to digest this movie.

#3 Dirty Dancing (1987)

Spending the summer in a holiday camp with her family, Frances ('Baby') falls in love with the camp's dancing teacher.

Director: Emile Ardolino

Writer: Eleanor Bergstein

Stars: Patrick Swayze, Jennifer Grey and Jerry Orbach

This movie practically defined romance for generations of women. If you ever hope to get laid you better understand the meaning of "Nobody puts baby in a corner". It is also why I own a leather jacket. I am a closet fan of this movie. Fuck off and don't judge.  -at least watch THIS scene.  It is only 44 seconds long and it just might save your life.

#2 Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988)

Aliens who look like clowns come from outer space and terrorize a small town.

Director: Stephen Chiodo 

Writers: Charles Chiodo, Stephen Chiodo

Stars: Grant Cramer, Suzanne Snyder and John Allen Nelson

I might be trying to redeem my man card here but I don't care. I saw this movie when I was about 6 years old and I have a healthy fear of clowns to this day. You need to watch this if to only make me feel less weird for bringing it up every few months in conversation.

  #1 The Princess Bride (1987)

A classic fairy tale, with swordplay, giants, an evil prince, a beautiful princess, and yes, some kissing (as read by a kindly grandfather).

Director: Rob Reiner

Writers: William Goldman (screenplay), William Goldman(book)

Stars: Cary Elwes, Mandy Patinkin and Robin Wright

 Awesome. Fucking. Movie. I know almost every line of this film. If you can't get on board with Fred Savage, Andre the Giant, Cary Elwes, Billy Crystal and Robin Wright before she became drug addled Robin Wright-Penn, then you need to move to some island somewhere. Pretty much everyone else will ostracize you if you haven't seen this classic and I think most of them will show outright hatred and contempt for you.