A New Denmon is Born and Oh Yeah the Pirate Parade

The Pirate Festival went off amazingly, as usual.  The pirates invaded the Tampa Bay area and via boat, climbed the sea wall and laid waste to the city.  Bringing swords, eye-patches, beer, and trinkets (beads) they showed that the traditional pirate way of life was well and good in the bay area.

I went to the parade ground with my family.  My brother Chris and I had a good time and ran into some friends along the way.  I saw (at random) the little brother of a friend whom I am honored to be the best man at his wedding, towards the latter part of the year.  It was nice to see him as well as enjoy some beverages under the sun.

Here is a video clip that I hope shows how the experience went...at least a bit:

Also, as I am writing this, I have discovered that my little brother Rob is the new proud father of a daughter.  Like most Denmon's she must have been impatient to experience life, because she was born early.

I would post a picture, but I feel I would at least like to give this child a chance at a private life.  If I get the okay from my brother later, I shall post the picture.

Seriously, how amazing is this??

Wow.

She was born at 5:18pm, 5 lbs and 6 ounces.  Milana Iris Denmon. She is perfect.

Congratulations brother.  I love you.

I love her more, already.

It's FRIDAY! FRIDAY! FRIDAY!

I thought I would hammer out a quick blog while I wait for my hetero-life-mate Ri Ri to show up so we can enjoy a nice glass of beer together to celebrate the fact that it is Friday.  I hope everyone has a few fun events planned.

Here in Tampa, there is an event called Gasparilla - Pirates invade the bay each year and it is a nice time to get out of the house and see people dressed like Captain Hook. It is sort of the poor man's Mardi Gras.

Take a look!

Or Here!

So that should be fun or at least interesting.

In other news...

I love music.  This is no secret to those of you that read this space on the off chance you get really bored.  So while I wait, I have compiled a list of three excellent Friday songs.  (Sorry no Rebecca Black this time!)

1) Friday by Ice Cube

Ah. It doesn't get any better than Ice Cube.


2) Every Friday Afternoon by Craig Morgan

What?  Gotta get each side of the spectrum...

3) Surprise...just click the video...no it's not Rebecca Black.

Told ya!

Instant classic!

Suckers.

Have a great Friday guys.

TTFN Denmonites!

-ND

Back With A Vengeance

In the words of one of my favorite rappers, Hozay, I am not "like Nicholas Denmon with a pen son." I AM Nicholas Denmon with a pen son. Or with a keyboard rather. But don't let that bother you too much.

I hit the old Mac hard today with a pocketful of vengeance and some diet coke. I passed out and woke up with 3,000 words hammered out and the direction I have been wanting to take Ashes to Ashes well under way.

As I typed, blacked out, I vaguely remember hearing some good music that helped me get going.

In true gangster fashion these are the artists that led the charge:

1) Notorious B.I.G.

2) Tupac

3) Jay-Z

4) Eminem

5) Frank.  Frank who?  C'mon! Sinatra.

6) Bone Thugs? They were sneaky and got in there.

7) Three 6 Mafia

8) The Sopranos theme song...who sings that? Alabama 3? Hardly a gangster name but.. here it is anyway:

So there we have the sound track for tonight.


I shall leave you with this excerpt from Ashes to Ashes:


“So how do we hunt this rat,” Don Ciancetta asked.

“With cheese.”

“What’s the cheese?”

“Why, we are of course.” The Pope smiled, enjoying the analogy.

The Don’s sneer, however, indicated he wasn’t overly amused. “And what the fuck is the cheese gonna do?”

“Like any cheese, we wait for the rat to come to us.”

Retro Week

I recently converted my Facebook profile to a Facebook page. The reason I did this was to clean up some of the clutter on a page I largely use for professional purposes as well as redirect the dialogue on that page to writting and the book industry and of course the garbage I generally fill my blog with in order to update and moderately entertain.

Check it out: https://www.facebook.com/nicholas.denmon

I hope you guys enjoy the new layout and continue to engage me on that page.  I will respond to your comments and "Likes" as usual and look forward to hearing what you guys and gals have to say about the various subjects I bring up. Feel free to bring up your own too, just keep it clean!

RETRO WEEK:

I will also be posting one old blog post for every new blog post, per posting day.  I want to bring back a few classic posts for your amusement or for material you can use to berate me with. 

ASHES TO ASHES UPDATE:

Writing on Ashes to Ashes has begun in earnest, as the deadline of April 2013 is suddenly looming large on the horizon.  Writing it will be the easy part, editing it is what I am not looking forward too.

Editing always has the feeling of bringing your baby to a chophouse and holding your breath.

Not that I know what that is like...per say.

ALBUM UPDATE:

As many of you know I enjoy finding a good album to write along with.  The music helps my fingers flow and frees up my mind a bit.  That and a heavy dose of caffeine.

At this juncture I am really enjoying the tunes of Imagine Dragons specifically the Night Visions album.

I will leave you with one of my favorite tracks on the collection.

FALLEN:

TTFN Denmonites!

-ND

Horse Meat??? Horse Sh!t

Recently a supermarket chain in the UK, Tesco, was uncovered for having "hamburger" meat that consisted of 29% horse meat.  I once ate horse meat, accidentally, myself in college.  I had a roommate from Cuba whose Grandmother left us a plastic container of food for dinner.

It looked like cabbage stuffed with hamburger meat.

I was told it was hamburger meat.

I commented it tasted a bit tough.

My roommate fell on the floor laughing and confided it was horse-meat.

I put the food down and grimaced while my roommate thought himself very clever and funny.

I don't know what it is about horse-meat that makes many people wrinkle the nose and feel unsettled. I imagine it is something akin to eating dog or cat...they are just too familiar, too human-like in certain ways.  Dolphin probably enter into this somewhere too.

There are just certain things most of us don't want to eat.

This got me to thinking about the rumors I have heard about fast food restaurants.

Remember when Wendy's had the human finger in the Chili scare? It ended up being a ploy by a desperate couple to exact money from the fast food chain.  It doesn't matter though, I still won't eat Wendy's Chili.

If I held up my thumb like this for a ride, would you pull over and pick me up?

Ever hear about Taco Bell using horse-meat?  Rumor also.  But the quality of the beef is about half a step above what the USDA allows for in meat sold as dog food..so I hear.

McDonald's?  The highest purchaser of cow eyeballs in the world? Nope not true either.  Apparently cow eyeballs are expensive and fetch good value.  McDonald's wouldn't be grinding them up into the 100% beef patties.  It doesn't make economical sense.

There are so many more rumors.  I know one thing though, I didn't enjoy horse-meat.  I have no wish to encounter it again.  So I am placing it right there with Pig on my list of don't wanna not gonna.  I guess that means I shall avoid Tesco when I go to England.  I will also not be visiting my roommate's Grandmother for dinner anytime soon. 

TTFN Denmonites! 

-ND

Huge Changes

My boutique publishing company, home to seven authors and over fifty titles, is undergoing a reorganization and redevelopment.  It has been time consuming as I also work on my other business endeavors but it is a necessary undertaking.  The company has undergone a management overhaul that was much needed.

The previous team did a great job getting things started but to get to the next level we really felt like we needed to bring in people that could be devoted to the company even more than myself.

We will be retaining Robert Taft as editor but we have replaced the rest of the team.  There will be a renewed focus on social media as a means to promote our authors.  We recently had a two day training class in order to teach them how best to utilize the free forums at their disposal and to my delight, they seem to have really taken to the concept. We discussed reaching follower goals on their various social media platforms as well as having a minimum amount of interaction thresholds in order to promote and drive sales. Though this has long been a desire of Robert and myself, the new hire has really seen the vision through.

After all, what good is a book if no one reads it?

If a tree falls in the forest...

So to help Robert Taft with his duties (which are many), we have hired David Spiller.  David has more than ten years in the publishing business and was one of the few people who understood the direction of the e-book revolution from its inception.  He has spent time working for Amazon's Kindle division as well as more recently several small start up companies as a silent consultant.  Two of those are now multi-million dollar companies and we hope that Dave can have similar success here.

Welcome to the team Dave.

The rest of his team will be rounded out by his personal selections and I imagine he will reinvigorate our freelance editing staff as well as our freelance cover artists.

Exciting times at DSE books.

TTFN Denmonites!

-ND

Ah life...

Things move fast in life sometimes.  One second you are sitting dormant looking for a direction, the next a whirlwind of activity sweeps you up and spins you in circles as you float helplessly towards the epicenter of highest activity and hope to survive the storm.

For months my partners and I have lobbied investors, searched for web developers, researched the competition, and essentially felt like we were stuck in mud.  We were people with a good idea and no real means to pull it off.

Then on Friday we met with the investors and the next thing you know we have our company officially filed with the state. We are setting up bank accounts.  We are filling the bank accounts with cash to distribute to the web developers. Contracts are flying back and forth, terms of conditions, expectations, everything moving all at once.

The excitement is palpable.

Then on top of all this activity, my brother called me on Sunday and we talked about the fact that he is about to be a father next month to a little girl.  My baby bro is having a baby.  Then a few months later my other brother is having a baby girl too. There is just so much change.  Change for the better, thank God, but change nonetheless.

I mean change is my ultimate goal anyway. Just like my brother's perspective women, in order to get that change you have to PUSH. There no secret of my plan to move.  So we put those wheels in motion.  Now we are also moving in the business sense. Some people are content with their 9-5 job.  Making ends meet and living life.  There is nothing wrong with that way of life, I'm just not that guy. I've got a need to reach for the next rung.  I've got a need...a need for speed. Now that the business is rolling, I can feel the wind in my hair and my heartbeat reaching 100 bps. I'm trying not to be reckless as we take the corners at 120 mph but sometimes its those tough corners and living near the edge that helps you remember what it was like to live...and not be stuck in the mud.

“This is the fast lane, folks...and some of us like it here.” - Hunter S. Thompson

TTFN Denmonites!

-ND

The Bearded Lady? Plus Updates Sans Video

I know we are all in a rush to get out the door and enjoy our weekend.  I was going to do a video blog today but the quality was really poor.  I will try again this weekend. 

Quick updates:

• I mentioned we were about 45 people away from 800 Likes on my Facebook fan page and wow you guys really responded.  Overnight we reached 800 Likes.  I should post more often about Liking that page.  I appreciate the response. 

• We closed a deal with a major investor for Cross Atlantic Acquisitions today.  Huge news for our team.  This deal is the first stepping stone in what we hope will be a global publishing and acquisition company. 

• Almost every brother I have decided that this was the year to bring Denmon women into the world.  Congratulations to both my brothers who have spread the Denmon seed and wound up with extra amounts of estrogen now in route. 

For my brother Chris this means he will now have a household consisting of three women, two neutered dogs, and a gay Hamster.  You almost have to wonder what is in the water over there...and is it contagious?

Is this his future if he doesn't start drinking bottled water?

Just kidding big bro...

Enjoy your weekend!

TTFN Denmonites!

-ND

36,000 Views / Almost 800 Fans / 11,000 Books sold

My reach as a writer is reaching a few milestones (I hope) this week.  I thought it would be nice to share since many of you have been on this journey with me for literally years. Of course, I still am happy to see you even if you are a new addition to the Denmonite family.

Milestone Watch:

• This blog has 35,882 views.  We are closing in on 36,000 and that is really amazing.  Thanks for tuning in to read my drivel time and time again.

• My fan page has nearly 800 fans and stands at 765 for the moment.  If you want to check it out or if you haven't LIKED it yet and want to do so the link is Being a Nick Denmon Fan is Awesome!!

• I have steadily increased sales of my novels for about a year now and have sold 10,800 novels lifetime.  If you want to see what all the hype is about check the links to my novels on the upper right hand side.  If you already know, thanks for your support and tell a friend!

• Almost 3,000 Twitter followers.  Where can you catch my tweets?  @nicholasdenmon

I really and truely appreciate all the support I have received and continue to receive.  Thanks so much for that.  Tomorrow I will endeavor to complete a second video blog...so tune in and watch me try and seem serious for my camera.  I will give you an update on Ashes to Ashes, the third installment of the Upstate New York Mafia Tale as well as some other writing related bits...as well as a contest to win a free book?  Perhaps!

TTFN Denmonites!

-ND

People Crack Me Up

I love to people watch.  I have been on buses traveling across the state of Florida (sometimes on a Greyhound sometimes with the President of the United States) as well as airplanes traveling internationally and you get to see how people conduct themselves in forced social settings.  Most people try to keep to themselves.

Every now and then you sit next to an elderly lady who tells you her life story, about being a widow, her thirty-six years on airlines, and about her new reading club.  Then I get to tell her I am an author. Turns out she is from my hometown, taught German (we carry on in German for a bit), and purchases both my novels on her Kindle.

Sometimes you sit next to a lady on the run from her ex-husband who is a drug addled psychopath. She eats her BBQ ribs by pulling it from the bone with her inch-long purple fingernails which she nervously sucks on as she eyeballs you, wondering if she can trust you with this information or if you plan on jumping out of the bus to run down Interstate 75 to tell her husband...whom you have never met.

Occasionally, you sit next to a salesman who is on his sixth plane in three days and can't wait to get home to his love Trent but in lieu of Trent, his whiskey will do. He has a great idea for selling server space, essentially air, and if the company he was working for didn't already do that he would be off to start his own...someday.

But more often then not, you can see something interesting just by looking out the car window.  This is what I saw today:

I'm sure she is perfectly lovely with out the curlers...

Ah, people watching.  I highly recommend it.

TTFN Denmonites!

-ND

Top 5 Celebrity Women

It came up last night in conversation, around some glasses of rum of course, as to who are our top celebrity crushes.  There is a lot that goes into the thought really. Television and film and music are filled with performers who are beautiful. So beauty matters, clearly, but at the same time it comes down to the things you look for in a woman (or man).

For me, the personal preference is women so I started to think about what I look for in these 'get out of jail free' lists.

At the end of it, I could only say it was down to pure gut instinct. If there was one theme I seemed to go for, it was the perfectly imperfect woman and the 'girl next door' look.

So here is the list I came up with:

5) Natalie Portman I am not too keen on the Portman from Star Wars, Black Swan, or even V for Vendetta.  But Garden State Natalie has that cute next door look I was talking about.  She embraces her inner dork in this movie, and I really appreciate people who can pull that off.

4) Keira Knightly It can be hit or miss with this one.  Sometimes I think she is too skinny but she sort of has a mix of that girl next door look and she has classic brown eyes and the English accent doesn't hurt either.  Really liked her in the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, the first one the most, and then quite a bit in Love Actually.

At this point people were throwing out names like Jessica Alba, Megan Fox and Kim Kardashian but they really never were my type.  I mean, yes, pretty but not my style I suppose.

3) Scarlett Johansson Talk about controversial.  I was pretty much coming up with my list off the cuff, but when I threw this name out it was a split room.  It seems people either love her or hate her.  I can't see what is wrong with her.  She has beautiful eyes. She isn't a super skinny woman, which I like. I am not into the starvation look that some actresses get into; it's why Keira Knightly and Natalie Portman fell down the list. She made my list, and I won't be taking her off.  Sorry you rum-drunk fools.

2) Eva Mendez Another one that isn't 100% on everyone's list because she has flaws.  The number one complaint was against her teeth.  Apparently she has an overbite. Big teeth and big bum. Big deal, she isn't perfect.  Again, I find that to be part of the charm of someone.  Looking like a real person and not just a magazine cover goes a long way with me, whether it is an odd freckle on the rump or some other imperfection that makes you more perfect to me, the average Joe.

1) Number one on my list is a bit of a combination of the things I mentioned above.  She is a nerd, has beautiful eyes, definitely the girl next door type. I got crucified for the choice, but I don't care.  She tops my list and it isn't all that close really. 

Zooey Deschanel

I guess at the end of the day, I'd rather a real woman versus some celebrity. If my list told me anything, the closer to imperfect you are, the more I will probably like you.  Hell, I am FAR from perfect but let us be honest, perfect is boring.  So as I go about my travels this weekend, I'll be happy in the knowledge that though I make mistakes (and God made others in my general looks), those mistakes are hopefully appreciated by those around me as the beginning of my potential for growth and even more hopefully, endearing characteristics. 

So lift a glass to a hopefully imperfect 2013!

TTFN Denmonites!

-ND

5 Worst Songs Ever

I have been hearing a ton of crap music lately.  This has inspired me to list the top 5 worst songs I have ever heard (recently).  This music is an insult to music and generally I consider it on par with the baying of hounds, teeth on silverware, or hot pokers in my eyes.

Simply, I fucking hate these songs.  If you enjoy them you have no taste, but that doesn't mean I don't luv ya anyway.  If we were in the car together and any one of these songs popped on the radio, I might get in a wreck trying to change the channel.

In order of pure god-awful:

5) Diamonds by Rihanna Fuck this song. Saying "Shine bright like a diamond" over and over and over until I WANT to crash my car into a tree does not a song make.  The best part of the video is when she tries to roll a blunt of diamonds at the beginning.  The only reason I like that is because I wish she would accidentally choke on the diamonds as she inhales, thus halting the rest of the damned song.

Is it to soon to think Chris Brown could have saved my ears...didn't she give him herpes?

4) Friday by Rebecca Black At least she has an excuse.  She clearly hasn't been in the music business long enough to make any kind of decision about the crap some executive has her sing in a horrid attempt to appeal to high school kids across America.  This song is so bad it has 46 million views just to laugh at it. 80% of all views that rated it gave it a thumbs down on youtube...but it is kinda catchy...especially on Friday.  Who can't get down with Friday?

I especially love the part, "Yesterday was Thursday" and later "Tomorrow is Saturday and Sunday comes after." I can't make this stuff up.

3) Stupid Hoe by Nicki Minaj If the lyrics weren't enough the beat is simply an ambulance beep over and over foreverrrrrrrr.  It is akin to a strobe light to my ears.  I can't explain how awful this song is, you really just need to listen to it or watch the video (careful it is explicit).

It gets progressively worse as she has a police whistle join the ambulance at the "height" of the song. That is the entire beat. I was actually grateful when she went "a capella" at the end. 

2) Birthday Cake Rihanna ft. Chris Brown Oh my God. I didn't realize how much I hated Rihanna until just now.  She has literally made a career of repeating the same words over and over again.  She just says cake over and over. If you like this song, I have a novel to sell you. ;)

Nothing to say.  The song sucks. So. Bad.

1) Hot Problems by Double Take  I have to imagine this song sucks this bad on purpose.  If that is the case, well done.  I hate this song and, by extension, the people singing it.   FYI ladies, you aren't even hot. You did however succeed at making me want to vomit all over my keyboard.

Sigh.  What the fuck happened to music.  It might have died.  Collective music jumped off a cliff to avoid having to be associated with whatever this is.  It reminds me of bad cruise ship karaoke, only in a limo.

That's my list of awful music.  Don't fret though, I am sure Rihanna is cooking up some more shit to top this list.  I'll keep you posted!

TTFN Denmonites!

-ND

I am The Toy for my niece

I saw my brother and his family over New Years Eve and came to the realization that I might just have something in common with comedian Richard Pryor.  Though the realization developed over a period of months it really hit home December 31, 2012.

When I arrived at my brother's abode the first thing my niece decided to do was to take a flying leap into the air thus forcing me to catch her.  It was sweet actually.  But when I put her down and she ran into the other room I heard her say to her cousin that, "Uncle Nick is funny.  He will play anything!"

We then played a game called Bounce House where I lift her into the air repeatedly, a detriment to my 30 year old back. This usually goes on from about ten minutes to eternity as I lift, she laughs, and says, "Again!"

It is a routine.  In the span of twenty minutes we will:

• Color
• Play with the hamster
• Bounce House
• Karate fight (I have to lose every time)
• Play Jail or Time Out (she locks me in a room or puts me in a corner)
• Chase (run in circles around the kitchen)
• Piggy Back Ride

So here we are on the way to the restaurant. I am not going to lie, something really makes me happy to take the abuse:

It might be the smile she gets...

I mean how can you say "No," to someone who wears shoes like this?

Brother, I shall return these plastic princess slippers to you tonight at dinner.

Despite her cherub cheeks and bright eyes it does dawn on me that Richard Pryor and myself are really blood brothers in this type of arrangement as I am sure many men all over the globe are when it comes to the whims of children.  I will leave you now with a video of my life as an Uncle:

TTFN Denmonites

-ND

Final 2012 Sales Numbers

When I first put out For Nothing, my debut novel, I was pretty sure that no one would read it outside of my close friends and a few family members.  I was even more sure that some of my friends and family would buy it and never read it, but I could always say I had become a part of the literary world.

If I put out my novel, I thought, at least I would have a small place in the world that I loved so much, where imagination is king and the only limitation is the extent of ones creativity.  So I wrote a novel, put it out, and was fully expecting to never surpass 100 copies sold.  And it may have been that way if e-readers and indie supporters weren't able to connect with authors they way they can now in the age of social media and ever expanding networks.

I sold roughly 2,700 copies from May of 2011 until the end of 2012.  I put out a second book Buffalo Soldiers, and this year have eclipsed 4,500 sold of For Nothing this year plus another 3,000 sold for Buffalo Soldiers.  The yearly total is 7,500 books sold this year and over 10,000 sold since May of 2011.  Needless to say, each month feels like a dream. 

I really am appreciative of each person who has picked up my novels and given them a go.  Even though I keep the pricing down, I understand the time commitment that goes into reading a book and that has value added to the cost I put on my printed ideas. After all, time is money.  

So thank you.

The third installment of An Upstate New York Mafia Tale is due out in April and I couldn't be more excited about the direction the story is taking.  We have the familiar faces from the first two novels coming together again, albeit with a greater focus on fan favorites Rafael Rontego and Alex Vaughn. I heard the gripes from my die hard fans that Buffalo Soldiers deviated from their favorite characters a bit too much (a necessary evil to set up book three) and have brought you back to the characters you have grown to love...or hate.

So I will leave you with this very brief passage from book three, Ashes to Ashes (unedited of course, so don't be a grammar hater):

Excerpt from Ashes to Ashes:

The lights dimmed in and out as a pale and solitary bulb swung above him in taunting circles, casting shadows across the room that elongated and then disappeared like spooked apparitions. A jolt of pain traveled up his spine and tried to claw its way out of the back of his jerking eyeballs. He tried to focus on something, anything, but only the cinder-block walls greeted him, and always with the black shadows that reached out for him, beckoning to him, pulling him towards their inescapable bosom.

There was another stab of pain into his side that reverberated the length of him, dragging its teeth across his lowest rib bone. Knuckles clenched down on the metal table upon which  his body lay splayed across and his eyes rolled towards the cool and wet steel. His hands were slick with his own blood and his legs twitched with the pain, kicking out spasmodically as if trying to assault the ghosts that peeled his skin apart. Sucking in air as fast as he could, he tried to calm himself, but just when he thought he might conquer the agony, he felt another wave of it grate across his weakened body. His stomach convulsed and he nearly sat straight up with the shock.

“Ivan,” he yelled. He felt his veins tighten around his neck, threatening to strangle the shout from his throat. His voice sounded fair away but he could hear it echo in the small chamber. One of the ghosts appeared in front of him then, no more than a foot before his face, distorted and ugly.

“Shut up Rafael,” the ghost said. His hiss sounded like a whisper. “Do you want the police to storm this place?” A clammy palm seized him by the forehead and pushed him back onto the table, the place of his torture.

TTFN Denmonites!

-ND

Welcome 2013

I hope everyone had a wonderful NYE and they were able to usher out the old year with a bang. I had a great time hanging out with several groups of people who were kind enough to invite me to their celebrations.  The night started with a low-key dinner with my brother and his family where we discussed everything from politics, to moving to England, to my business and his business and then drank a bottle of wine between us.

Wet (Whet?) the whistle

After that bottle of wine I had a delicious Filet Mignon topped with a Gorgonzola butter sauce.

 Delicious

From there it was a house party with more food and drink.

According to rumor there was also pizza and cookies and monkey bread

Eventually they got me to wear a hat, before the wheels really fell off on the night's festivities and I retired for about two hours near a lovely fire pit to text important people in my life that I was wishing I could have around me as the ball dropped. 

The hat and a tasty adult beverage

Then after a flurry of phone calls at midnight to wish in the New Year with blessings etc, things started to move fast and the night degenerated into a haze of shots and jubilation. We were all thankful that no apocalypse took us and we were able to see the ball drop once more.

It all went well and I woke up happy to have this amazing breakfast ready for me to begin the rehabilitation process:

Powdered sugar, butter, and syrup: Just what the doctor ordered

I hope everyone had a great night and an easy recovery today.  I am excited about 2013.  I have a feeling that 2013 will see many massive changes that have implications for many many many years to come.

TTFN Denmonites!

-ND