Friday, April 15, 2011

Screw you, Mr. Potatoe head...err Potato Head

I like to call myself a writer.  It is on par with calling yourself a mathematician because you can add.  I string words together, weave a story, and hopefully someone likes it somewhere. I can write good. I mean well.  I mean, I don't mean well (I'm actually a devious bastard), I mean to say that I can write well, sometimes.

But certain things piss me off about the English language.  For example:

1) Why is there no agreement on the correct way to spell potato(e)?  Google has both! So both must be acceptable.  Though to be fair it does italicize one version or the other and ask in customary Google fashion, "Did you mean Potato(e)?"  Ugh. And then has it like four slots down.  So screw you Mr. Potato(e) Head and all the pain you have wrought me since kindergarten.

2) Redundancy bothers me, oh it bothers me, bothers me.  When people say things like, "the best jelly in the WHOLE ENTIRE world."  Fuck you.  Whole surely works as well as entire, or else the words are not as all encompassing as I think they are.  For the love of God, pick one.

3) Read and read and red.  Seriously?  We couldn't come up with anything original?  Take for example, I read books.   What does that mean???  I have done it in the past or I am currently doing it? Bite me.  I don't even care anymore.  I could talk about that one until I was red in the face.

4) Lead and lead.  Ummm.  Not as angry about this one, context is everything.  You get a pass Mr. Lead... (but guess which one I used there?)  Leeeead or Led? Hmmm? I guess we will never know.

5) A box becomes boxes, but an Ox never becomes oxes.   This has screwed me on words with friends so many times.  Is there a letter I could write to the folks at Webster?  Probably knot.


  1. What the hell, Nick! I'm redundant all the time. I can't change it. It's a Maine thing.

  2. I love this post! Absolutely my sense of humor. (unless I'm in the UK, then it's humour) I love #3 and #4 is Leeeed. Am I wright? Right? Correct? You know what I mean...

  3. LOL...I sooo love your posts! Cheers once more! Not only are you write/right/rite, but I can see how getting out of the habit of using redundant phrases (actually called pleonasms)might be a "difficult dilemma". Good luck with that!

  4. All I can say sycamoremeadows is your post is the great "end result" of a message that was heard/herd for sure!

  5. I love these comments! You guys are right on, so please, write on!

  6. Lol! The whole read, read and red deal drives me nuts.

    Btw, great blog title! Everyone needs a feline co-author.

  7. Brilliant & Hillarious! Love it :)